( about to ask noctis why he wouldn't bug kaladin about that. kaladin's encouraged noctis to bug him about anything, hasn't he? it feels nice to be bugged sometimes. other times, being bugged is a necessary nuisanceβfor both of them.
a second message interrupts him before he can get the words out. )
You may read it I think I've told you everything that's written there If I'm wrong then so be it I'd tell you if you asked anyway
It was a chore to listen to the first couple of profiles so I stopped quite quickly I didn't make it anywhere close to yours
It's a lot to explain and none of it is easy to listen to They're calamities that cover Roshar every several hundred years Great wars involving gods and men
My people are fighting in one now The enemy wishes to end the cycle and bring humanity on Roshar to extinction They're calling it the true desolation The ever storm
[ Great wars involving gods and men? His tongue clicks in the dark room, trying to stay quiet to avoid drawing the attention of his roommates but it hits too close to home. What he's experienced is only the barest fraction of what Kaladin has, and it makes him feel an unexpected lance of anger on his friend's behalf. ]
Why? Why is there a cycle at all, why does it have to be like that?
It began thousands upon thousands of years ago The first humans on Roshar came from another planet ash in and were granted asylum by the native population War broke out when humans became greedy
It never truly ended
The cruel god odium gave power to some of the singers which granted them immortality To defend against these new enemies called the fused the oath pact was sworn to protect Roshar It trapped the fused on an inhospitable third planet braze What we for millennia have called damnation Here it's called hell but hell is a concept where braze is a real place
However it also trapped the heralds Servants of the almighty who sacrificed themselves to the oath pact They thought it'd end the warring but it didn't They could only keep the enemy at bay between desolations and return to war again
[ It sounds fantastical and impossible. As fantastical and impossible as his own world's history, something that he's seemingly destined to be part of but which feels... inaccessible.
Would Kaladin understand that feeling? Or is he like Luna, born into this conflict and not sheltered from it, confident in his own role? ]
No it's okay, we can take our time
I really want to understand where you're from and what you're going through
( noctis doesn't have to listen, but he does so anyway. he cares, perhaps as much as kaladin's friends at home care. he's known noctis for months now, so why is it surprising that he's grown comfortable with him?
reliant on his presence? )
The fused are souls of ancient singers native to Roshar And the singers are a people with a carapace who speak to rhythms Very musical
Regrettably these fused and the heralds are all mad The heralds were tortured for millennia and forced to give in and let the desolations come The fused were sequestered on a forsaken world Any man would break under such stress
It's awful what happened to them What both sides felt they needed to do to protect their planet and their people Reasoning with them is challenging It may be impossible That doesn't mean it shouldn't be attempted
[ Part of him wants to tell Kaladin not to thank him, but any attempt to brush away his friend's sincerity to protect his own emotions is selfish and pales in comparison to what he has to say next. ]
So you're trying? Maybe not you, but other windrunners or people alongside you
Bc right now it doesn't sound like they're your greatest enemy
[ No, that would be someone else Kaladin has mentioned to him before. ]
Yes some have been Two have sheltered with us and have been helpful They keep mostly to themselves however One is totally incoherent
As for Odium
( not for the first time, kaladin thinks about moash. his old friend, corrupted by his vengeful ambitions. an easy mark for the god of hatred. )
Odium is a god of passion and fury Hatred Excessive emotion Everything humans have always been weak to
You're right to consider him our greatest enemy
( there's a short lull in kaladin's messages. when he's certain of his words, he speaks again, watching foreign letters grow into a short sentence he can't read. )
I'm afraid Facing the Imugi reminded me how afraid The damage one entity can do
[ A god of hatred. Just the thought causes Noctis's eyes to narrow as messages appear in front of them, too familiar with the demon of his own rage to dismiss such a possible threat. What must it feel like to know something like that is lurking close by? Especially for Kaladin, who's experienced that same overwhelming melancholy that he has, the kind that constricts and feels like every emotion all at once? Hatred lives in there somewhere, doesn't it? ]
Tbh I always thought if you admitted that it'd make you weaker
But I saw you fight. You're one guy too, and I saw how strong you are. Maybe you froze up when you got scared and still feel it rn
But
I think the Imugi was scared of me and you by the end too
I hear you I understand what you're saying and I know you're trying to make me feel better And for that I'm grateful
The Imugi wanted to exact vengeance on us and then got backed into a corner She must've been scared too That's part of why it stuck with me so much Why it still sticks with me
I've felt that way I've felt like I had no other choice but to end it Not to the effect she did nor did I want to harm anyone
Her fear scared me too That I cause fear in people and creatures like her I'm no soldier
I'm apologizing for not obeying the way it's always been
( Being restricted from sharing one's feelings, both as a man and a human being. Noctis gets it. It holds them back even now... but they're improving. Bit by bit.
Despite how broken he feels, he briefly smiles. They aren't alone. )
And I'm thanking you for allowing me to march on anyway For all the gentle and understanding things you've said to me these past few months
( Noctis is a little shy, and more than a little aggressive. Two qualities that pair strangely well together. It creates a quiet but unyielding affection. He becomes confident when he believes he can helpβand he can. He does. It's...
Kaladin's jaw clenches. )
I'm not okay but I will be Because I'm not doing this alone either
[ It's a joke at their own expense, aware now after speaking with Kaladin that taking any issue with his word choice is just continuing to buy into "the way it's always been". Maybe joking about it will make it easier to take less seriously at the same time. Even now, in so many ways, he feels lashed to those expectations of what he needs to be.
As a man. As Kaladin's friend. As a king. ]
I said what I wanted to say yk. I just want you to know that
And tbh I'm not copying you but I think I feel the same way. Not okay yet, but I've got something I'm ready to get off my chest
[ And so he links his own data entry, saving Kaladin the pain of trying to navigate through them on his own. ]
( He encouraged him to open up to him. That Noctis is doubling down now, reasserting that everything he's told him has been the truth, and knowing his friend would say all of it again, makes Kaladin feel better.
Not good, but... better.
Noctis sends him a link.
He can't read it, of course; the dots and lines of the URL form a gibberish sentence above a thumbnail of a secure webpage monitored by SNYTHIA. But the pictureβNoctis', taken by an unknown photographer, which depicts him standing, looking like he's waiting for somethingβpreceding the data file startles Kaladin into closing out of it anyway. )
Noctis Are you certain I wanted to get to know you gradually The right way
[ Of course he hesitates. He should've known Kaladin would, his serious, gruff, overly thoughtful friend who would never willingly trample over Noctis's free will. It remains surreal.
He wonders if it always will. ]
This is the right way
I could say it but that puts it better than I could. You've already shared a lot with me so I'm just playing catch up
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
no subject
Using information against you
( ... )
Generally being annoying about it
1/2
Maybe one or two but it doesn't matter and I wouldn't bug you about that
[ Is he relieved that that's what Kaladin is worried about? Maybe, but now it means he has to bring it up himself. ]
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a second message interrupts him before he can get the words out. )
You may read it
I think I've told you everything that's written there
If I'm wrong then so be it
I'd tell you if you asked anyway
It was a chore to listen to the first couple of profiles so I stopped quite quickly
I didn't make it anywhere close to yours
1/2
The permission feels good, of course it does. It's something he expected, however, and the lack of surprise leaves plenty of room for other emotions.
Trepidation. Anxiety. Guilt, too, if he reads Kaladin's but steers him away from his own. ]
Thanks Kaladin
I'm checking yours first lol, one sec
2/2
Guess you were pretty open and honest with me after all
But you've talked more about you than any "Desolations"
no subject
They're calamities that cover Roshar every several hundred years
Great wars involving gods and men
My people are fighting in one now
The enemy wishes to end the cycle and bring humanity on Roshar to extinction
They're calling it the true desolation
The ever storm
no subject
Why? Why is there a cycle at all, why does it have to be like that?
1/2
The first humans on Roshar came from another planet ash in and were granted asylum by the native population
War broke out when humans became greedy
It never truly ended
The cruel god odium gave power to some of the singers which granted them immortality
To defend against these new enemies called the fused the oath pact was sworn to protect Roshar
It trapped the fused on an inhospitable third planet braze
What we for millennia have called damnation
Here it's called hell but hell is a concept where braze is a real place
However it also trapped the heralds
Servants of the almighty who sacrificed themselves to the oath pact
They thought it'd end the warring but it didn't
They could only keep the enemy at bay between desolations and return to war again
2/2
If I use the words enough it will eventually sense my intent
Don't worry if you're confused
It's still daunting for me too
1/2
Would Kaladin understand that feeling? Or is he like Luna, born into this conflict and not sheltered from it, confident in his own role? ]
No it's okay, we can take our time
I really want to understand where you're from and what you're going through
2/2
They're immortal, but they're trapped somewhere that horrible and for that long
[ It sounds... despicable, for both groups. ]
So there's no reasoning with people like that then, huh
no subject
Thank you
( noctis doesn't have to listen, but he does so anyway. he cares, perhaps as much as kaladin's friends at home care. he's known noctis for months now, so why is it surprising that he's grown comfortable with him?
reliant on his presence? )
The fused are souls of ancient singers native to Roshar
And the singers are a people with a carapace who speak to rhythms
Very musical
Regrettably these fused and the heralds are all mad
The heralds were tortured for millennia and forced to give in and let the desolations come
The fused were sequestered on a forsaken world
Any man would break under such stress
It's awful what happened to them
What both sides felt they needed to do to protect their planet and their people
Reasoning with them is challenging
It may be impossible
That doesn't mean it shouldn't be attempted
no subject
So you're trying? Maybe not you, but other windrunners or people alongside you
Bc right now it doesn't sound like they're your greatest enemy
[ No, that would be someone else Kaladin has mentioned to him before. ]
What about Odium?
no subject
Two have sheltered with us and have been helpful
They keep mostly to themselves however
One is totally incoherent
As for Odium
( not for the first time, kaladin thinks about moash. his old friend, corrupted by his vengeful ambitions. an easy mark for the god of hatred. )
Odium is a god of passion and fury
Hatred
Excessive emotion
Everything humans have always been weak to
You're right to consider him our greatest enemy
( there's a short lull in kaladin's messages. when he's certain of his words, he speaks again, watching foreign letters grow into a short sentence he can't read. )
I'm afraid
Facing the Imugi reminded me how afraid
The damage one entity can do
no subject
Tbh I always thought if you admitted that it'd make you weaker
But I saw you fight. You're one guy too, and I saw how strong you are. Maybe you froze up when you got scared and still feel it rn
But
I think the Imugi was scared of me and you by the end too
1/2, cw: discussion of suicide
I understand what you're saying and I know you're trying to make me feel better
And for that I'm grateful
The Imugi wanted to exact vengeance on us and then got backed into a corner
She must've been scared too
That's part of why it stuck with me so much
Why it still sticks with me
I've felt that way
I've felt like I had no other choice but to end it
Not to the effect she did nor did I want to harm anyone
Her fear scared me too
That I cause fear in people and creatures like her
I'm no soldier
2/2
And thank you
1/2
Hey. What're you apologizing for?
We did what we had to do and we're both still here. The fact that you are and I'm not doing this alone makes a big difference to me
And if you're scared of scaring others maybe that's a bigger reason why you froze up
[ It feels... noble, and that realization brings with it a little shame. Because Noctis hasn't felt that. ]
2/2
no subject
( Being restricted from sharing one's feelings, both as a man and a human being. Noctis gets it. It holds them back even now... but they're improving. Bit by bit.
Despite how broken he feels, he briefly smiles. They aren't alone. )
And I'm thanking you for allowing me to march on anyway
For all the gentle and understanding things you've said to me these past few months
( Noctis is a little shy, and more than a little aggressive. Two qualities that pair strangely well together. It creates a quiet but unyielding affection. He becomes confident when he believes he can helpβand he can. He does. It's...
Kaladin's jaw clenches. )
I'm not okay but I will be
Because I'm not doing this alone either
Are you okay
no subject
[ It's a joke at their own expense, aware now after speaking with Kaladin that taking any issue with his word choice is just continuing to buy into "the way it's always been". Maybe joking about it will make it easier to take less seriously at the same time. Even now, in so many ways, he feels lashed to those expectations of what he needs to be.
As a man. As Kaladin's friend. As a king. ]
I said what I wanted to say yk. I just want you to know that
And tbh I'm not copying you but I think I feel the same way. Not okay yet, but I've got something I'm ready to get off my chest
[ And so he links his own data entry, saving Kaladin the pain of trying to navigate through them on his own. ]
no subject
( He encouraged him to open up to him. That Noctis is doubling down now, reasserting that everything he's told him has been the truth, and knowing his friend would say all of it again, makes Kaladin feel better.
Not good, but... better.
Noctis sends him a link.
He can't read it, of course; the dots and lines of the URL form a gibberish sentence above a thumbnail of a secure webpage monitored by SNYTHIA. But the pictureβNoctis', taken by an unknown photographer, which depicts him standing, looking like he's waiting for somethingβpreceding the data file startles Kaladin into closing out of it anyway. )
Noctis
Are you certain
I wanted to get to know you gradually
The right way
no subject
He wonders if it always will. ]
This is the right way
I could say it but that puts it better than I could. You've already shared a lot with me so I'm just playing catch up
Listen to it
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