You'd be surprised by how ready you are to speak in moments like that Especially in dire circumstances
I asked him about my friend Shallan He said nothing Then I demanded to know about Syl He became angry
It was an upsetting conversation
( ALL OF HIS CONVERSATIONS ARE UPSETTING... )
Does this mean you acknowledge it but don't follow it Because I'd say we're similar in that regard What's the hex athlon anyway Does it comprise your religion's gods
[ It's an empty agreement that belies a desire to know Kaladin better, since his own self-doubt is getting in the way. If anyone could freeze up in that moment... wouldn't it be him? ]
Doesn't sound like he's great at conversation tbh. Which ig I don't have to worry about being blasphemous if you don't "follow it"
For me it's complicated
Yeah they're gods but most people just call them astrals. I respect what they can do and why they matter to Eos
[ The unspoken "but" weighs heavy after that sentence. ]
You can say what you want I used to follow the doctrine but never closely As I got older I learned that gods don't care for mortal men
But there are three acknowledged on Roshar Honour cultivation and their rival odium Some cultures also worship the ten heralds who are servants of honour
What's complicated about it You seem hesitant to be as candid as you were discussing the Stormfather
[ Perhaps a conversation better held in person if any of his words get mangled by the chips he's starting to find less and less reliable, but they'll have their chance. Right now, maybe selfishly, he's too interested in the topic and also yearning for conversation to ask for a delay. ]
How does the Stormfather fit in?
[ And after a moment's delay, battling with himself back and forth on how to address Kaladin's question, he elects for a small fraction of a larger truth. ]
Someone important to me is way closer to all of it than I am. She'd tell me to be more open-minded and listen to whatever their plans are for me
The Stormfather is a sliver of the almighty One of the lasting pieces that remained after honour's death A memory you could say The rest is complicated Too complicated for me to explain without Syl's help as I can barely understand it
( noctis must understand, also too busy to think much of it. it's important, certainly, but there are mattersโtangible problemsโto see to and solve. philosophizing alone doesn't produce results.
and he just lost someone... a major event like that can shake even the most faithful of servants. )
Humans can only handle what we can handle The rest must wait its turn What's on your mind is as important as what's on everyone else's
[ An immediate, bitter reply fueled by the way the conversation is starting to twist his stomach, but he isn't driven to shy away from it. Kaladin's already proven that he can handle it. ]
Idk maybe if you say it in her voice again it'll make sense. Luna's always been that person for me
She taught me about the astrals first back when we were both kids. She'd do a way better job answering your questions than I would lol
( the finality of noctis' first statement makes him raise an eyebrow. his friendโor girlfriend, it's difficult to determine whichโis addressed first before attempting to chip at that stone. )
I guess women have a way with words that men don't Maybe because they're smarter
( hashtag all women )
It doesn't do me any good to wait for her to explain it though You're here with me now
[ It's the first warning sign that that peek into his bad mood is going to become a full show, bit by bit. The next is far more unavoidable. ]
What isn't weighing on me
You said humans can only handle so much and that everything else waits and I'm just disagreeing with you, so what. That's not how the world actually works
Things don't wait if you can't handle them, they just pile up or go sideways
You don't think all this happening rn is a good example? I'm still trying to settle in here
But I need to get back home even more. And we run into someone who's hurt while we're driving to meet up with you guys, and we just have to leave him behind and trust everything's fine?
So yeah sure throw in what astrals or stormfathers want on top of that why not
( aggressive, bordering hostile. defensive is what it is, and kaladin tries not to take that personally. noctis has been through a lotโhe's going through even more now.
he takes a deep breath in, then releases it slowly. )
That's okay Getting tired of it Being angry
But there's something within reach that you wish you take care of right now Something small but still a significant weight on your shoulders You just said it Once you arrive we'll turn back around and check on that civilian you're worried about I'll take us there Faster than any van
( that's how they become a little less tired and a little less angry. one less thing. )
[ The reply comes out all at once and without thought, and as he reads it back to stoke his own regret it isn't his voice he reads it in. It's Gladio's. It's Cor's. It's Regis's.
Kaladin is patiently proving himself to be someone worthy of his trust, and all he can do is lash out at him to further extend the reach of his own self-flagellation.
Damn it, Noctis. ]
Yeah let's go. Thanks
He had his son there with him but he wouldn't let him help. Just kept yelling at him to go back inside
I'm stubborn So I'm going to keep telling you it is You let me know when you start to believe me
( there's something thoughtlessly arrogant about the declaration. confident, as though kaladin is certain he's right. he knows noctis has the strength to open up to him. to accept that being tired and angry is okay. that being overwhelmed is okay.
he knows this, and he'll wait for him. )
Valid consent A patient can consent to or reject treatment voluntarily without external pressure or force There are a lot of new things I had to learn to be a paramedic here I'm still struggling with a lot of the ideas
But that one I hate it If that man's still injured and he sees us coming he better try to run or hide because I'm going to strap him to a chair until I've had a look at him
We can make our own rules here We can do what we want within the parameters of the missions Lilith gives us That means no one can stop us from shirking data collection to do something more important We choose what we want to worry about What do you think about that
[ He's exasperated and unable to tell if that's because of Kaladin or himself, sure that at least one of them is too deep into their current mindset but he can't trust that it isn't himself. Or both of them.
There's something caught behind his teeth, and worse than not knowing what that is is not knowing what'll happen if he lets it loose. ]
That's bullshit
Valid consent? If someone's hurting you help them, who cares what they want. Maybe what they want is worse for everyone else. What about the kid?
You're asking me questions like you have some answer you want me to say and idk what it is, so you're gonna end up disappointed okay
I know I wanna help him and I know I'm pissed at how he was acting so that should be good enough
What I'm doing by asking you questions I already know the answer to is reaffirming our trust in one another That's valid consent We want the same thing So why would I ever be disappointed in what you just said
( in light of noctis' confession, kaladin closes his eyes. every choice feels wrong, and everyone around him has always made it feel worse. is that how noctis feels? does he dare open his heart to that?
a little too late to be considering that now when he's become invested in his friend's wellbeing. )
Without including me in the decision or making an assumption about how I feel about the conversation Tell me once more that you don't want to talk about it Then I won't push any further
But if even a small part of you needs this It's okay You're safe with me
They're monumental words he doesn't want to disgrace by turning away from him, but it's hard when he feels battered and angry. Kaladin wasn't the one who left bruises, but he's still the one pushing him to show them, isn't he?
"Valid consent", huh... If that man he wanted to help was hurting physically and he's hurting mentally or emotionally, is there a difference? His upbringing would say yes. Maybe Kaladin wouldn't. ]
( it feels like he's making progress with noctis. incremental, but that's what's needed now. small stepsโan acknowledgement. his friend needs someone to talk to, and knowing that only empowers kaladin.
his father sounds... stubborn. refusing aid, thinking it's the strong thing to do, and not wanting to appear weak or like a burden to others. not realizing it causes more harm to the people around him, not less. inspiring bitterness. anger.
human emotions. )
It's not stupid If it were you'd think I was stupid Or someone else who's experienced something they never wanted to
Some memories are there to help us survive You saw your father act that way and it created an instinct in you to avoid experiencing it again I think I'm no expert but I'm trying to learn more about the mind How it works and why we feel the way we do
Noctis I don't think you're complaining I think you're expressing your understandable reaction to a serious issue you encountered
I told you I'm still learning If I'm pissing you off maybe I was heavy-handed or putting that on you when I shouldn't
( there's a disconnect here that kaladin picks up on after too long considering noctis' words.
he uses past-tense when referring to his father. he speaks as though his father's gone. )
Some people want to convince themselves and others they're okay I did the same thing once I think I still do it sometimes To seem like less of a burden it seems like the safest answer is that I'm fine And I'd like to believe that I'm fine That doesn't make it any less frustrating for the people I'm saying it to
Let's follow your gut If you think he's in trouble and posturing then we'll go get him Better safe than sorry Always
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Especially in dire circumstances
I asked him about my friend Shallan
He said nothing
Then I demanded to know about Syl
He became angry
It was an upsetting conversation
( ALL OF HIS CONVERSATIONS ARE UPSETTING... )
Does this mean you acknowledge it but don't follow it
Because I'd say we're similar in that regard
What's the hex athlon anyway
Does it comprise your religion's gods
no subject
[ It's an empty agreement that belies a desire to know Kaladin better, since his own self-doubt is getting in the way. If anyone could freeze up in that moment... wouldn't it be him? ]
Doesn't sound like he's great at conversation tbh. Which ig I don't have to worry about being blasphemous if you don't "follow it"
For me it's complicated
Yeah they're gods but most people just call them astrals. I respect what they can do and why they matter to Eos
[ The unspoken "but" weighs heavy after that sentence. ]
How many gods do you guys have?
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I used to follow the doctrine but never closely
As I got older I learned that gods don't care for mortal men
But there are three acknowledged on Roshar
Honour cultivation and their rival odium
Some cultures also worship the ten heralds who are servants of honour
What's complicated about it
You seem hesitant to be as candid as you were discussing the Stormfather
no subject
[ Perhaps a conversation better held in person if any of his words get mangled by the chips he's starting to find less and less reliable, but they'll have their chance. Right now, maybe selfishly, he's too interested in the topic and also yearning for conversation to ask for a delay. ]
How does the Stormfather fit in?
[ And after a moment's delay, battling with himself back and forth on how to address Kaladin's question, he elects for a small fraction of a larger truth. ]
Someone important to me is way closer to all of it than I am. She'd tell me to be more open-minded and listen to whatever their plans are for me
I've just got a lot of other stuff on my mind
no subject
One of the lasting pieces that remained after honour's death
A memory you could say
The rest is complicated
Too complicated for me to explain without Syl's help as I can barely understand it
( noctis must understand, also too busy to think much of it. it's important, certainly, but there are mattersโtangible problemsโto see to and solve. philosophizing alone doesn't produce results.
and he just lost someone... a major event like that can shake even the most faithful of servants. )
Humans can only handle what we can handle
The rest must wait its turn
What's on your mind is as important as what's on everyone else's
What's her name
no subject
[ An immediate, bitter reply fueled by the way the conversation is starting to twist his stomach, but he isn't driven to shy away from it. Kaladin's already proven that he can handle it. ]
Idk maybe if you say it in her voice again it'll make sense. Luna's always been that person for me
She taught me about the astrals first back when we were both kids. She'd do a way better job answering your questions than I would lol
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I guess women have a way with words that men don't
Maybe because they're smarter
( hashtag all women )
It doesn't do me any good to wait for her to explain it though
You're here with me now
What's weighing on you
no subject
[ It's the first warning sign that that peek into his bad mood is going to become a full show, bit by bit. The next is far more unavoidable. ]
What isn't weighing on me
You said humans can only handle so much and that everything else waits and I'm just disagreeing with you, so what. That's not how the world actually works
Things don't wait if you can't handle them, they just pile up or go sideways
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I'll admit I was speaking more optimistically than I would usually
Things should wait
I know they seldom do
That doesn't make how you feel about it any less important
Would you give me specifics
1/2
You don't think all this happening rn is a good example? I'm still trying to settle in here
But I need to get back home even more. And we run into someone who's hurt while we're driving to meet up with you guys, and we just have to leave him behind and trust everything's fine?
So yeah sure throw in what astrals or stormfathers want on top of that why not
2/2
I'm just tired
no subject
he takes a deep breath in, then releases it slowly. )
That's okay
Getting tired of it
Being angry
But there's something within reach that you wish you take care of right now
Something small but still a significant weight on your shoulders
You just said it
Once you arrive we'll turn back around and check on that civilian you're worried about
I'll take us there
Faster than any van
( that's how they become a little less tired and a little less angry. one less thing. )
Let me help
no subject
[ The reply comes out all at once and without thought, and as he reads it back to stoke his own regret it isn't his voice he reads it in. It's Gladio's. It's Cor's. It's Regis's.
Kaladin is patiently proving himself to be someone worthy of his trust, and all he can do is lash out at him to further extend the reach of his own self-flagellation.
Damn it, Noctis. ]
Yeah let's go. Thanks
He had his son there with him but he wouldn't let him help. Just kept yelling at him to go back inside
no subject
So I'm going to keep telling you it is
You let me know when you start to believe me
( there's something thoughtlessly arrogant about the declaration. confident, as though kaladin is certain he's right. he knows noctis has the strength to open up to him. to accept that being tired and angry is okay. that being overwhelmed is okay.
he knows this, and he'll wait for him. )
Valid consent
A patient can consent to or reject treatment voluntarily without external pressure or force
There are a lot of new things I had to learn to be a paramedic here
I'm still struggling with a lot of the ideas
But that one
I hate it
If that man's still injured and he sees us coming he better try to run or hide because I'm going to strap him to a chair until I've had a look at him
We can make our own rules here
We can do what we want within the parameters of the missions Lilith gives us
That means no one can stop us from shirking data collection to do something more important
We choose what we want to worry about
What do you think about that
no subject
[ He's exasperated and unable to tell if that's because of Kaladin or himself, sure that at least one of them is too deep into their current mindset but he can't trust that it isn't himself. Or both of them.
There's something caught behind his teeth, and worse than not knowing what that is is not knowing what'll happen if he lets it loose. ]
That's bullshit
Valid consent? If someone's hurting you help them, who cares what they want. Maybe what they want is worse for everyone else. What about the kid?
You're asking me questions like you have some answer you want me to say and idk what it is, so you're gonna end up disappointed okay
I know I wanna help him and I know I'm pissed at how he was acting so that should be good enough
no subject
That's valid consent
We want the same thing
So why would I ever be disappointed in what you just said
1/2
[ And out it slips, more unwanted honesty. ]
2/2
no subject
( in light of noctis' confession, kaladin closes his eyes. every choice feels wrong, and everyone around him has always made it feel worse. is that how noctis feels? does he dare open his heart to that?
a little too late to be considering that now when he's become invested in his friend's wellbeing. )
Without including me in the decision or making an assumption about how I feel about the conversation
Tell me once more that you don't want to talk about it
Then I won't push any further
But if even a small part of you needs this
It's okay
You're safe with me
1/2
"We're friends."
"Our trust in one another."
They're monumental words he doesn't want to disgrace by turning away from him, but it's hard when he feels battered and angry. Kaladin wasn't the one who left bruises, but he's still the one pushing him to show them, isn't he?
"Valid consent", huh... If that man he wanted to help was hurting physically and he's hurting mentally or emotionally, is there a difference? His upbringing would say yes. Maybe Kaladin wouldn't. ]
I don't know
2/3, I LIED AGAIN
It's new for me
But I guess seeing that guy acting tough in front of his kid reminded me of my dad a little
And it set me off so that I didn't think twice
3/3
no subject
his father sounds... stubborn. refusing aid, thinking it's the strong thing to do, and not wanting to appear weak or like a burden to others. not realizing it causes more harm to the people around him, not less. inspiring bitterness. anger.
human emotions. )
It's not stupid
If it were you'd think I was stupid
Or someone else who's experienced something they never wanted to
Some memories are there to help us survive
You saw your father act that way and it created an instinct in you to avoid experiencing it again
I think
I'm no expert but I'm trying to learn more about the mind
How it works and why we feel the way we do
Why did it set you off
no subject
And now you're asking me why it set me off after telling me your own theory
My old man didn't ask for help and now this idiot isn't going to either? For what? Dad at least had a reason
What else is that guy if not just proud and stubborn, anyone would get pissed
no subject
I think you're expressing your understandable reaction to a serious issue you encountered
I told you I'm still learning
If I'm pissing you off maybe I was heavy-handed or putting that on you when I shouldn't
( there's a disconnect here that kaladin picks up on after too long considering noctis' words.
he uses past-tense when referring to his father. he speaks as though his father's gone. )
Some people want to convince themselves and others they're okay
I did the same thing once
I think I still do it sometimes
To seem like less of a burden it seems like the safest answer is that I'm fine
And I'd like to believe that I'm fine
That doesn't make it any less frustrating for the people I'm saying it to
Let's follow your gut
If you think he's in trouble and posturing then we'll go get him
Better safe than sorry
Always
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